Well, it's done. He's been kicked out, his stuff is gone. It's going to be a really hard pregnancy, I'm going to have to go through this alone again by myself. I'm tired of being hurt and it keeps happening and I'm not going to let it happen anymore.

My nausea has gotten a lot worse. The past two days I have thrown up. I feel okay right now, but was pretty sick most of the morning. I need to find a way to make more money. I might also apply for HUD housing (income based). I just need things to start turning around. Nate isn't going to help with this child.. he hasn't helped with any bills since he's been here and he doesn't care of the child he has NOW. I'll do what I have to do.

I finally got some medication for nausea. It helped enough to make it tolerable. It seems to be working so far. I'll be 8 weeks pregnant tomorrow. It's exciting, and I'm just glad I'm almost into the 2nd trimester (4 more weeks). I had one ultrasound, but couldn't see anything but the yolk sac. That was 2 weeks ago. I have a second ultrasound next week. I'll be 9 weeks, and am excited to see the baby.

My first prenatal appointment got changed. They also sent me for my first ultrasound and I was a bit disappointed - really couldn't see anything, just the yolk sac. I have another appointment March 15th, so hopefully things will be further along then. Baby daddy gets his money soon, so we'll be getting a bigger apartment, better car, maternity clothes, etc. Life will start getting a little easier. I feel way too nauseous in the mornings now, so I'll have to keep this short. More later.

It's been awhile since I've written anything. A lot has changed. There was a lot of drama that went down with my landlord, his girlfriend, and her niece. I ended up getting 30 days notice to leave, having the car I was making payments on taken away, etc. I had been approved for a nice apartment too... if I had been able to keep that car I could have not only stayed, but finally moved Xander in with me. But everything happens for a reason.

I met someone amazing, and was very much in love. Sadly, I took advantage of his love for me and it fell apart. He left and came back and left and came back. It came time where I just had to admit to myself I would never get back what we had. In that time, I did meet someone else. There were multiple explosive fights, but things finally settled down. He proposed to me, I said yes, and 3 weeks later found out I was pregnant.

Those are all exciting things, but we still have our problems. We used to fight a lot. It's not as bad or often now, but when he gets mad he leaves. It's really hard for me to deal with. It hurts me everytime he walks out, even though he comes back - it still hurts. I got him an iPhone recently, thinking I was doing something nice but I have started to regret my decision. He's on it constantly when we are together, since he can't be at work, and when I bring it up he denies it. He constantly tells me he's nothing like John, but the more time that passes he does many of the same hurtful things. Since I found a message he sent to a girl over a month ago now, I'll admit I have been suspicious at times. The amount of time he spends on that phone does concern me. But of course I will keep that to myself. I know a lot of my frustrations as of late are partly pregnancy hormones, but I hope he starts to realize what he is doing and how it is affecting me.

On a lighter note, I have my first prenatal appointment March 1st, just a few weeks away. I'll be 7 weeks at that time, and very much looking forward to it.