Last night was the best and worst night of my life.  I have never felt more loved or rejected.  He got here and I was still in disbelief.  I couldn't believe it was really happening.  I felt something right away.  From the moment he walked in the door, I couldn't stop looking at him - his strong arms, his beautiful brown eyes.  He gave me Zicam, which if you don't know you have to dissolve on your tongue.  The entire time I had to wait was torture, when all I wanted to do was kiss him.  I was cold, so we went back into the bedroom and sat on the bed.  While the Zicam was still dissolving, he gave me a shoulder massage.  His hands felt so good on my skin, it took every ounce of strength not to turn around and kiss him.  When it finally dissolved, he pulled me down to lay with him and he kissed me.  It seems like we kissed all night.  Some were sweet, some were sexy, some were just downright intoxicating.  Everytime we talked, we lay back down together.  He would kiss my nose, even give me eskimo kisses - it was PERFECT.  That is not for lack of a better word.  Nothing could have made it better.  We would talk again, and then back to sweet sweet kisses.  He looked in my eyes and said "you're so beautiful" like he couldn't even believe it.  I have never felt more loved than at that moment.  I can't talk about what upset me last night, I'm so exhausted from it and it hurts too much to think about.  I only want to remember the good.  I hope I didn't screw anything up last night, because I'm going to marry this man.  As terrified as I am, I have so much faith in our love and what we have.  He told me last night, before things went downhill, that he wasn't going anywhere - that I was stuck with him.  God, I hope that's true.  I don't want to ever lose him.  I've never loved any man this way.  I just keep praying that I will still see him today.