I'm not exactly sure how I'm feeling right now, kinda numb I guess.  I don't really feel sad, but not happy either.  I talked to Johnny a little on Tuesday night - and he said he'd text me in the morning, which he didn't.  He's been getting up early for work so I expected that.  I feel frustrated though.  I'm not really mad at him, but it makes me wonder how much he really misses me when we're not together.  I know he has work, friends, stuff he needs to do - but he used to call me everyday.  I know - I'm here now, but does he just not want to call?  Or text even...  Whenever he leaves he says I can text him, when I can't see him for a week he says I can text him, but he rarely replies.  I'm not really mad, it just confuses me - doesn't he WANT to talk to me?  If it had always been this way I wouldn't worry, but it's definitely different.  Going from everyday to only calling when he's coming over - I just am not sure what to think, and to be honest it scares me a little.  Every time I see him, I think things are amazing and he seems really happy with me.  So why does it not seem like that's the case when we're not together?  I don't want him to feel like he HAS to call, but what I don't understand is shouldn't he want to?  Maybe I just don't understand his feelings for me the way I thought I did.  It scares the crap out of me to not know what he's thinking or if he's even missing me when he's gone.  I mean, he did say he wanted to marry me.  I just hope that doesn't change before it has the chance to happen.

Well, I suppose I was wrong.  I AM sad now.  I feel really alone and I hate feeling that way.  I asked him to call me tonight, but I really don't think it's going to happen.  Why can't it just be Saturday already, why can't he just be here...  I want to ask him to spend the night with me, but I don't think he will.  That is, if he comes.  We'll see.