It has been a few days since I've been able to talk to Johnny, but it's a relief not to be panicking.  He's working this weekend, which means he has next weekend off.  Hopefully I'll be able to see him - that will be about 3 weeks since the last time I saw him.  I miss him like crazy, but at least I only have to do it for 3 more months.  Then we'll be living together and I'll see him before and after work.  It's just frustrating when you already know you love someone and want to live your life with them to have to wait.  He told me nothing has changed with us, so that made me feel a lot better.  It's just really hard missing him.

I watched the first two movies from my class, and the 3rd one should be here tomorrow (Netflix DVD).  Then I can take my video quiz, and the only thing I'll have left to do for March is the Safe Assignment - which may actually take a bit of work to do.  Then, by Monday I want to do the next two weeks of classwork for my English class.  Next week, I'll do the next two weeks of work for my Infant/Toddler Development class.  And Dance Cultures, I'll have to stick to Mondays for that.  Nothing can be done early unfortunately.  Hopefully this will take some of the stress off me.  I should know by the end of next week if they are going to approve my medical withdrawal or not.  I REALLY hope they do.  If not, I will HAVE to get an A in every class this semester in order to get accepted for transfer to USC.

My weight loss seems to be going well so far.  I am in the 150's right now, and I'll know if I've lost this week tomorrow morning when I weigh-in.  I really would love to lose enough to not have to get my wedding dress altered, plus that's another $100 we won't have to spend.  Once I get into the 140's, I will try on my dress again to see if that is a possibility.  I upped my workouts to 2x a day this week, so hopefully that will make a difference also.

Another thing I've been struggling with is my jealousy.  Not with Johnny, I trust him with all my heart and I know he would never betray me like that.  I have a lot of jealousy with friends.  I think I'm close with someone, then thanks to the internet I see that they talk more to someone else, tell them things that I end up finding out last or not at all, and it hurts.  It's not that they've done anything wrong, but that I've had unrealistic expectations.  I make myself frustrated then feel like I'm just not that kind of person people want as their best friend.  Which is fine.  I still have Vikki and Patti, but I can't always tell them EVERYTHING and they have their own lives far from me.  I don't think I've ever been jealous with Patti, but with Vikki I know I have.  She has a lot of friends aside from me and there are quite a few above me - and it's frustrating to never know where you stand.  People will call me their "best friend" but their actions say the opposite, and I feel like I put too much of my need for friendship on Johnny.  He has a job, things to take care of, and his own friends.  I can't have 100% of his time.  He's never complained, but I feel like if I don't find one it'll start to affect our relationship - me needing him all the time.

Dear Friend,
I know you care and are there for me, but I get jealous when I realize how much closer you are with your other friends.  You're generally the first person I want to tell things to, good or bad, when they happen.  I know I'm not the same for you and that's okay... it just took me some time to realize that it's not exactly what I thought it was.  I'm sorry I get jealous, and I hope you don't realize it when I am.

On a more important note, my son has pneumonia.  I really hope he's better soon, and has been improving each day.  It's just hard to be away from him when he's not feeling good.  I'm very thankful that he was seen by a doctor right away, and it was caught at the beginning.

I should really exercise a little bit.  "Exercise gives you endorphins. Endorphins make you happy."  So hopefully it will pick up my mood a little bit!