I had a full-on panic attack last night.  It wasn't necessarily because of Johnny though.  It was a combination of PMS, my own screwed up head, and just being stressed out.  I looked back through some old text messages and it made me realize how different things are now.  He really loves me, in that way where it's not going to just go away.  It's that forever kind of love, so I need to stop worrying so much.  I called a few too many times yesterday, and while I'm sure he won't hold it against me I don't want to be the nagging girlfriend.  I've made a point to only text once a day now, and call just once or twice.  I don't want to overdo it and I can't possibly explain how much he means to me and how badly I want this to work.  He's told me the same - that he really wants this to work.  All I can do is trust that everything will be fine and that I'll see him soon.

On another note... OOPS.  I'm 2 days late.  I'm on birth control, but that's still not a guarantee.  I don't really think I'm pregnant, the chances are so small, but it's not normal for me to be late at all.  We'll see what happens in the next few days.  Hope I hear from him soon.