AF that is.  I'm about 3 days away, and an emotional wreck.  I'm crying, why? - I couldn't tell you.  I miss Johnny.  We haven't been able to talk since he was here yesterday.  So why am I freaking out?  God.  I hate this.  I really hope I can talk to him tonight, that would definitely help.  But if not, this week is going to be miserable!!  And I'm most likely going to get my monthly visit the night before I see him.  That's so frustrating to me, because I'm a very physically affectionate person and the fact that I have to limit myself with him - especially since I only see him once a week - bothers me.  Maybe I'll get really lucky and not get it until after he leaves...  It frustrates me even more to be so upset and not be able to know the exact reason why.  I just feel like crying over everything lately, and I am not looking forward to TTC if this is what I'll feel like when I'm pregnant.  Granted, I will be with him every night when I'm pregnant but I don't like feeling so vulnerable.  I feel so alone right now, and it sucks!

I know he loves me.  I know he wants to be with me, and I can see it every time he looks at me.  Every time he touches my hand, kisses me, says, "I love you".  I just feel sad, and worried, and scared.  I hate this part of being a woman.  At least if I was with him right now, he could tell me to calm down.  He would tell me to chill out, that everything will be fine and hold me, kiss me.  I so need that reassurance from him tonight.  I don't have any doubts with him or about him or us - I just feel like crap and I want it to go away.  I can't focus on anything - homework, or even just talking to people.  I hate going to sleep crying or upset, because I ALWAYS wake up and there is no message or call from him, and I feel even worse.  It just ruins my whole day.  Again - this week is going to SUCK.